when i break men, you're the one that i'm thinking of

guess what!

looking around i see a whole lot of babbling and only a tiny drop of learning. i spy people whose words are just that, and nothing more. i've become an observer this year; all my soul really needs right now are some folks to grow with, to open up the good parts again and to help stimulate all of our minds. that isn't to say that i necessarily want company all the time, but maybe a bit more......... more of something that i can't yet wrap my mind around, maybe because i've yet to experience it?

and on a seemingly contradictory note, crave a few months on my own. want nothing more than a little space in a forest somewhere to start my journey in. won't pitch a tent as i'll have no desire to stay. sleep, then up the next day - a skip here, some exploring there, and on and on we'll go. every part of me is screaming to learn more about itself. there are all of these parts that i'm made of, and lately they just don't understand how to work together. this piece moves, then something sparks a thought in some realm, then i stand up and dance around because i can't sit still and come to the realization that really, there's a whole lot going on in the smallest tiny drop of being.

STOP IT PLEASE

but of course i had to delete that because.................

things like that scare people

why walk alone? why worry, when it's warm over here?

cranky days are really gross days - today the sun came out for the first time in a week, and i didn't want to see her at all. guess the grey just makes running and jumping and cheering a whole lot easier for me. didn't want to do much 'cept snore, and that isn't really an option when there's worklearningvoting to be done.

tomorrow is the last day for a great number of things and hopefully it'll take sun with it for a little while. snow came for maybe four minutes at the most yesterday; i want himit back. along with the yum that comes along with that kind of sky. camping has to happen soon, don't care if we freeze really don't. because, hey! we can always defrost, and campfires make great buddies when that sort of thing is necessary.

should be moving away from that soooooooon, want to meet up again with my friend Writing

this is old news, but it'll give you a good feel of what's comin'

  my favorite time of day is 7:30, and my favorite strangers are train people. taking the south line, almost everyone is sleeping. some people are headed to the airport, and these guys are usually the business type of folk. they feel like home sometimes, which makes me feel some kind of icky. i could never be a member of their little club, of course, but there's something about the black shoes made of patenty-shit or whatever it's called. it reminds me of taking the lirr into new york when i was younger. at least, i think that's what those memories are of. most of those are fabricated, i'm told. the winter ones are farther off, because winter in new york means a really young me. summer memories last until about twelve or thirteen, but winter memories end at six.

so the southbound train is full of these airport people, and also the pack from suburbia. they all have to be to work by eight, but if you catch the 7:30 train then that isn't going to happen. they check their watches anyway, as if that could possibly make the train move faster. it's pointless to worry about time when you're on marta. you'll get there when you get there, the end. the atlanta natives know that, and you can easily pick them out on the south line. the business types who aren't heading to the airport all get off at midtown or five points. you won't catch them rushing at the latter, because they know that the doors will stay open a really long time. or maybe they don't have to be to work by eight. most likely, they probably realize that eight just isn't. on the 7:30 southbound train, a woman comes on at the midtown stop. "if you have to be at work by eight, you've got six minutes." that's as personal as it gets on marta, so i like her. off at five points, then i go east. it's one stop, so i don't know the people that well. i exit with the georgia staters, and most of them carry art supplies. i don't look around when i'm going east, so that's it.

and i know that i'm not the only one to feel the division.